7 Principles of Emphatic Communication

 

Dr, Haim C. Gringott gives parents a master class for parents on communication and how to empathize with your children. (2003) Between Parent and Child, Harmony Publishing, 192-203. Book

He teaches us:

1. The beginning of wisdom is listening.
- You cannot know the best choices for your child without first listening to them and seeking to understand their needs at this time. A child's current perspective changes their needs in different scenarios.

2. Do not deny your child's perceptions.
- In order to understand we must value their perception of the world and the problems they are facing. We cannot dismiss their ideas or tell them how they should be feeling in the situation.

3. Instead of criticism, use guidance.
- You need to clearly state the problem and give your child alternative solutions they can use to solve the problem themselves. The child isn't the problem, the problem is.

4. When you're angry, Use "I" statements.
- Describe how you feel, what you observe your child is doing and what your expectations were. It also helps if you explain why you have these expectations and what outcome you believe they would create.

5. Praise
- Praise should be used wisely with emphasis on effort not outcomes. We should encourage children to find intrinsic reasons to act according to the values of the home.

6. Learning when to say "no".
- Setting expectations with love and patience. Children need firm boundaries but loving guidance within those limitations.

7. When should children's voices take precedent?
- There are time when a child should get to choose the path a decision makes. Learning when their voice should be the deciding factor and when it should not, helps you pick your battles.

For additional worksheets and resources to work on these skills and others,
Please check out Strengthening Families Program