How to improve Kids Behavior

 Have you ever wondered how some kids act so responsibly and others seem to be out of control?
Well according to the Arbinger Institute there is an actual system you can use to "Help things go right!" when it comes to raising your kids.

It all starts with the Parenting Pyramid:

According to the Arbinger Institute (1998) changes in your child's behavior all begins with YOU!
This should be great news, since changing ourselves is a lot easier than changing others.

Step #1: They teach you to first begin with your own "way of being". They help you identify if you are looking at others from the lenses of 

- Better than

- Worse than

- I deserve

- I need to be seen as 

Once you are able to work on your own "way of being" you will stop seeing people as objects, this is especially important with your children.

Step #2: Now it's about creating a unified foundation as parents. Ideally you are still married to their other parent and both can work to build a household with a unified vision of values and morals. However, if you are divorced, you can still work together to set these goals. You also need to work hard on developing the healthiest relationship possible with your co-parent. The healthier, the better for your children.

Step #3: Once you have built a strong foundation - now we can work on our children. We want to build a powerful relationship where our children know our character and can trust us. They should feel safe to share anything without it shocking you or offending you. Your job is to know them and really listen to them.

Step #4:  Now that our child trusts us, AND we know them. We can begin to mentor them. This isn't about molding them into someone new, but instead helping them to discover their talents and special skills. We want to teach them appropriate behavior, warm them of the dangers, and teach them what is normal in their stage of development. We are to guide them and encourage them, without being too controlling.

Step #5: Only once the other stages are solid and you have done the work, can you correct your child's behavior. This should be done with love and using natural consequences as much as possible. As your child gets older, more explanation will be required to help your child connect their choices with those consequences. Listen to the child's questions and help them see alternative paths they could have taken. When natural consequences are not available, impose age appropriate consequences.  

Following this pattern the Arbinger Institute believes you will see less behavioral problems in your child and experience greater satisfaction as a parent.

For more information please check out the Arbinger Institute

The Parenting Pyramid, (1998) The Arbinger Company. 1-8. chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://content.byui.edu/file/91e7c911-20c5-4b9f-b8fc-9e4b1b37b6fc/1/Parenting_Pyramid_article.pdf